Wanting to heal

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     This is a bit personal but I feel like all of you could understand how it is just wanna heal. I am in a relationship with wonderful man who treats me like a queen. He amazing and I love him to death but recently I have been deal with some massive mental illness. Suicidal, Depression, Shutting down. It getting worst then usual lately and I talked to him about want to break up possible.

    There this girl who in our life that really fuck up the relationship to and I wish she just leave us alone because I don't like her anymore or trust her anymore. I feel like she trying every which way she can to get him to date her. That just my theory ok? Don't fucking judge me on this shit. But I am being serious though when I say that I am getting to point where I am debate starting a self heal.

    Start to see therapist, get my health all in check, lose weight. Just all in all. Feel better about myself then what I have been feeling about myself. I am losing weight only thanks to fact I had four wisdom teeth pulled which was brutal and so FUCKING painful let me tell you! I am still trying to get over it! been a week already!

    Wanting to heal is something I been trying to do. It has been my 2022 new year resolution onto heal certain things in my life. My past is one of them. Because of all the massive PTSD, trauma, rage, sorrow. I have felt in past 26 almost 27 years (turning 27 soon!) That I feel like it time for me to heal.

    I know it stupid or insane to think this but I want to do this. I been watching how much I have been eating, snacking less. not eating or drinking a lot of crazy shit like soda. But I do drink soda when I am out say restaurant or fast food place cause got ta binge right? haha!

    When I was young and I mean VERY young. I always had a creative imagination and this time around welp I still do. That because I deal with a massive mental illness and just not such a good memories at times. I lived a not horrible child hood it was always full of adventures but there are moments in my life where there was a lot of fighting which messed me up.

    Special when came close to home. I aren't going into detail about that. But yeah back to main topic of wanting to heal. I have been want to get my weight, mental state, money, health back into normal state of where I feel comfortable in my own skin. Because being honest though? I don't feel it anymore. I am start to realize this more and more. I am not who I want to be. This is very true about I am sure many of you. I was born with asthma, dislocated knee which times really fucking sucks! But I deal with it. Nerve damage inside my neck, arm along with possible cyst syndrome on my ovaries since I already had one removed when I was back date an ex who left me very afraid of males.

    I hope soon to get what I want done in my life special for this year. I am slowly working on getting everything fixed up. It not easy or fast process but I am doing it which is all I can say for myself. Because I just want to finally feel some peace inside of me. I don't want to lose my man but I also want to heal so badly. Because I don't feel safe in my own skin. I feel like I am so different and not the same person I was all those years ago. I want to find myself and remember who hell I am.

    I hope you all can understand what I am going through and know that you ain't alone in this process of wanting to heal. There is many out there I am sure who feel the same way of want to heal, battle depression, bad PTSD like I am. maybe I will do blog of my major PTSD that I have. cause I ain't afraid to share my stories. I am willing to hear anyone's stories as well. I will place down an email for you guys to reach me at if you want to reach out and just have someone to talk to. Don't be afraid to wanting to heal. YOU have every right to wanting to heal. Don't let someone stop you from wanting to heal because then you won't feel that joy of doing it.


This is Lone Wolf Angel Sign Off.

5/28/2022

Alphagamerkitty@gmail.com (Reach out if you want me to share a story or just someone to talk to!)

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